Posted on January 19, 2017
Those closest to me would know that I have great reverence for Nanay Norma, my maternal grandmother. We shared the same room and she would be the one to wake me up for school and prepare my breakfast and some hot water for bath. We had a love-and-hate relationship, Nanay and I, but only because we both can be fretful and we end up arguing about it. But how I loved her! I remember my mother telling me once how when I was a baby, I’d wake up on a Saturday morning and after realizing my parents were the ones sleeping next to me, I’d rise from bed and run to the other room where Nanay was sleeping. She would also let me sleep beside her when I had a fever and would be the one to wake me up to drink my medicine in the middle of the night. Read More
Posted on June 9, 2016 (Last modified on September 20, 2016)
A few hours after my previous post was made public, a friend who had read my blog sent me a text asking what led me to find Jesus despite all the feeling of inadequacy and crippling self-doubt that I am struggling with from time to time. I was intimidated by the fact that this was someone who didn’t believe in God and that I may not be able to explain or describe exactly how the change came about. Since I was caught off guard I explained that Jesus dying on the cross reminded me of God’s love and whenever I am reminded of how tremendous God’s love is by sending us his one and only son to pay for our sins, the void that I have in my heart gets filled. Read More
Posted on June 3, 2016 (Last modified on September 20, 2016)
Not until a couple of months ago I was agnostic, and this isn’t something I usually say out loud. A lot of things just didn’t make sense to me and a huge part of my disbelief came from seeing other people who know their Bible verses, regularly go to church every Sunday, and proclaim God’s name whenever something good happens to them or whenever they try to ask for something but then these are the same people who are always so quick to judge and discriminate or do a lot of un-Christian things. I just couldn’t stand it and at the same time I didn’t want to end up like them. My resolve was to go on with my life, trudge on, and make my own destiny. I thought, Hey, I can go and pursue whatever I want as long as I don’t hurt anyone, right? Read More
Posted on July 13, 2015
Today marks my grandmother’s 71st birthday and I still miss her every now and then. She passed when I was twelve.
Sometimes I’d wonder how life would have been like if she had lived longer—would we be sharing the same room until now? Would she still watch over me at night when I have a burning fever? Would she still have listened to stories of the boys I’ve loved and broke my heart?
Every year, I remember her on her birthday with longing. If only to hug her one more time. If only to seek counsel. If only to tell her how much I love her and how her loss still cripples me with a pain I’ve always been trying to ease all these years.
Today marks my grandmother’s 71st birthday and it’s been almost eleven years since she passed. She’s not gone. Not completely. For she and her memories remain to walk with my heart.
I miss you, Nanay. Happy birthday.
Now they’ll walk on my arm through the distant night
And I won’t let them stray from my heart
Through the wind, through the dark, through the winter light
I will read all their dreams to the stars
I’ll walk now with them
I’ll call on their names
And I’ll see their thoughts are known
Not gone, not gone
They walk with my heart