Posted on September 18, 2011
It’s been more than a month (going on two, actually) that I started working. To be honest, I had such a hard time getting the courage to actually write my resume or CV because I felt that I wasn’t good enough. I was having second thoughts whether Computer Science was really for me. I held back because I didn’t feel confident enough in my own field. My own insecurities ate me up that led me to tell one of my closest friends about my hesitation and ended up with me crying in the middle of the night, clinging to my biggest pillow hoping it was actually him that I was actually holding on to.
If it wasn’t for his birthday message, I wouldn’t have had the courage to finally tell myself to suck it up and just believe that I will eventually find the job that’s right for me. I stopped moping around and actually got myself to work on the resume and CV and even tried to improve the backend of this blog just so I could feel much better about myself. I started doing the 30 day challenge workout in the hopes of proving to myself that I am much more than I think I am. And then an epiphany. I am much more than I think I am.
I can be the better person I had always wanted to be if I had just given myself the chance to actually try and be that better person. Chris once said, “Try and rid yourself of a little weakness everyday,” and that’s exactly what I am doing. I’m trying to cut out the unnecessary drama and bullshit in my life and just live. Live for the moment. Live now. Because at the end of the day, it’s me who I should love first. Like that one line from Goodbye, Love in RENT, “You’ll never share real love until you love yourself.”
Enough of the blame and guilt and add more to the vigor and strength that I am trying to develop. Soul searching and fortune would be just around the corner if I believe that I can actually achieve them. Cut all the negativities. No more feeling jaded. This is me, stronger and more confident. We should always strive to keep our head above water or else we’ll drown.
Keep your chin up. 😉