Not Gone

Today marks my grandmother’s 71st birthday and I still miss her every now and then. She passed when I was twelve.

Sometimes I’d wonder how life would have been like if she had lived longer—would we be sharing the same room until now? Would she still watch over me at night when I have a burning fever? Would she still have listened to stories of the boys I’ve loved and broke my heart?

Every year, I remember her on her birthday with longing. If only to hug her one more time. If only to seek counsel. If only to tell her how much I love her and how her loss still cripples me with a pain I’ve always been trying to ease all these years.

Today marks my grandmother’s 71st birthday and it’s been almost eleven years since she passed. She’s not gone. Not completely. For she and her memories remain to walk with my heart.

I miss you, Nanay. Happy birthday.

Now they’ll walk on my arm through the distant night
And I won’t let them stray from my heart
Through the wind, through the dark, through the winter light
I will read all their dreams to the stars

I’ll walk now with them
I’ll call on their names
And I’ll see their thoughts are known
Not gone, not gone

They walk with my heart