During my sophomore year in high school, we were taught basic HTML (not really sure if we were taught CSS as well, but you get the idea.) Those were the days when I was amazed at the idea of having your own personalized web page that even at home I would make random web pages on our personal computer.
I have also just discovered the Internet back then (as when I was in elementary school we didn’t have a computer yet.) It was also the year when some of my friends had blogs at blogspot and I decided to join in the bandwagon as well.
Back then blogging meant posting my favorite song lyrics at the time and maybe even rant about my angsty teenage days but I never really had much purpose for it. It was kind of like just one of those fads where it felt kind of like, “Hey, I have a blog, doesn’t that make me look cool?”
Somewhere along the way, I decided to move to blogdrive. I didn’t really know why, but I decided to keep a real blog there which I later became an extension of the first website I ever maintained. That blog has been deleted now though as I was blackmailed into deleting past blogs by someone I’d rather not talk about ever.
Anyway, I stumbled upon Skyefairy.net, a website containing the blog and artworks of Heather Ward. I was immediately taken by her ability to make wonderful layouts that I befriended her and she soon became one of my “CSS mentors” and now, one of my most cherised online friends.
I wanted to learn PHP back then and become one of my hostees so I applied for a free hosting from her and showed her my old website (one of the terms is that you should know the basics in HTML and CSS). She approved my application and I had Miraculous, where I kept my blog and posted the poems and stories I have ever written. I had it in 2005 or 2006 and kept it until I was in my sophomore year in college.
It may not have been the best blog there ever was but that blog had been so important to me. That was where I poured my heart out whenever I was heart broken. That was where I shared my dreams, my thoughts, my own sanity. And the biggest regret that I have right now is taking down all the things I have ever written in that blog – dedications, vignettes, dreams, almost love stories all because of someone who scared me, someone who coerced me to do the things I never thought I’d be capable of doing. I miss that old blog and all the baggage that came with it and yes, deep down I wish I never would have swayed and pushed to put it all down.
After taking that blog down, it was like a part of me had died and I admit that I have stopped writing after some time. It was like that semblance of life has completely down the drain. But I wanted to get it back. I wanted to bring back the spark and fire my eyes once had and so here I am.
Why do I blog? Because it’s already a part of who I was, of who I am. I try and keep my life to be almost like an open book. I blog because through blogging is where I have met some of the greatest people I could ever meet (Heather, Cars, Patty, Chris). I blog because I need to bring back that part of me that once had the vigor and passion to write back into my life. I blog because I need to keep fighting the fears I have gained when I let him beat me up emotionally. I blog because though I may be damaged, I would never be completely broken.